I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
