If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?