how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
