Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
