Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.