direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now