How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.