yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night