i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
