his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
