very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
