she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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