if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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