HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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