also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
