FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
