i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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