i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
