i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
