There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
