oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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