and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
