I smell stomach acid.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
being pregnant is like rehab
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
