Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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