he puts the penis in happiness.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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