how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Holy sore nipples Batman
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
