when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Floor bacon is actually really good
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
