I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
