so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
