I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
