Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
