Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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