Can Purell be used as lube?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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