Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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