I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
