I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
