Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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