Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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