Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
