I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
