um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
