why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
