The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so let's talk penis.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
