do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
