20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
