thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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