I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I enjoy the company of your penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
