I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She needs sedatives and a leash
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
