Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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