im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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