You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
