i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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