your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
