Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
