Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
