He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
