Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
