you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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