i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
only you would photoshop your dick
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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