he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
