This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
