Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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