i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
