So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!