My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize