I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything