flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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