i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My life is pants optional.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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