Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
