Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
