Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
