and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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